Written by “If a brother or sister sins, go and point out the fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church…” (Matthew 18:15-17)
The wisdom of Jesus never ceases to amaze me. In just a couple of verses, He teaches us to handle conflict, bring about reconciliation, and build unity. When you have a problem with someone, go to that person and work it out (in Matthew 5, He tells us to take care of it before we go to worship). Then, if they two of you just can’t work it out, get a few more people involved. And if that doesn’t work, as a last resort, take it before the church.
It is such a marvelous and effective plan to deal with conflict. So why don’t we do it? Because its easier (and maybe more fun) to tell our spouse, or some friends, or even the elders. We can get them to sympathize with us, take our side, and tell us how wrong the other person is. Of course, the main problem with such an approach is that it is contrary to Scripture. But beyond that, it doesn’t seek to solve the problem (and will likely make it worse). It is mean, underhanded, cowardly and divisive.
Conflict is inevitable. We must choose how we will deal with it. My advice is to follow the direction of Jesus, and “Settle matters quickly…”(Matthew 5:25).
What a HUGE difference it would make in the church if we simply followed this little rule. So simple, but so many unwilling to do it!
Sad!
I think Tony even had two or three with him when he confronted Kurt but it still didn’t end well… probably our hearts have a lot to do with it!
One of the big problems is that we always interpret that verse as though it is discipline and will always lead to a negative conversation. If we view the process as a redemptive process designed to restore relationships and preserve the body it can go much better from the start.
I agree with you.
Great post.
Keep up the great blogging brother.
I hope you have a blessed weekend.
In Him,
Kinney Mabry
I agree with Brad. I’ve nearly always experienced it in the churches I’ve been part of in an extremely negative way. In fact, that happened to me on a couple of occasions, with accusations being thrown at me from out of no where! It was an ordeal, but I survived.
I started not to comment here on this post because those memories are still so painful to me, even though they happened years ago. But, I think it is an important topic that NEEDS to be addressed and in a positive way.
I hope that those who read will take note!
Much love,
Dee
good post Jeff–
someone once said to me–you can’t do what Jesus said to do and ever have the same relationship–one wonders however what kind of relationship it is to begin with–if you have to keep talking to other people?
Maybe part of why people don’t take this approach is becuase to do that would require honesty, and to require honesty would require that we admit that sometimes what they’re doing isn’t a sin – what Jesus refered to – but rather, an annoyance to us. A difference in personality or appraoch. And if they’re not SINNING or causing hurt, than get over it.
Fun to go to one person and another trying to establish sides preferably my side because its right,Fun to hurt deeply a brother or sister in Christ,Fun to divide a body that is supposed to be united in love thru the grace of God. I am very tired of these school kid games adults are playing–
Fun to me is being with people who smile and laugh, who love genuinely and who are very “real”. Who do not look till they find faults with another, because we are all not perfect, there will be faults to be found.
Thanks Jeff for being “real” and reminding us what God’s word says to do about a problem, I pray we all find courage to look to God’s word and follow it to the best of our ability and that there will be peace and unity.